Physical Health - Fatigue and Weight Gain

Now this is something that is so personal to me and has taken a lot to post but I feel it's important for folk to get an insight into this particular chapter. My whole life I've struggled with my weight. It's been one of the main reasons I've been self conscious and I've always felt in my head that I've let myself down in life because it takes over so much of how I feel. This played a significant role for what was to come over Summer. Creeping into Easter time, I couldn't go through the day without a 3-4 hour sleep. When I came home for summer I was beginning to fall seriously ill and it was thought that I might have glandular fever but that was dismissed from tests. I couldn't face getting out of bed in the morning or showering and I started having to miss work. The thought of facing the public was a huge ordeal and I'd been finding at work that I was crying because I couldn't physically serve people (both my jobs have been absolutely incredible through this and I'm am eternally thankful for that). I couldn't stop eating and slowly realised I was changing shape. Even though the scales weren't showing it (bizarre I know), I knew my body was changing for the worst. I didn't even have enough energy to make it out of the house let alone the gym that I had so loved going to previously. This was me for three months over summer and if it wasn't for my wonderful family making sure on most of the days that I could get to work, I probably would have been in bed all of that summer. Folk were lookin out for me and encouraging me to go to the gym but the thought of it made me feel physically sick. My confidence was at an all time low and I felt that I was a truly disgusting waste of space. Now I am beginning some cognitive behavioural therapy which is to have strategies in place to ensure that if I get these thoughts, I can detract them and proceed on with normal life. It means doing the opposite of what my mind is telling me to do. If I want to eat rubbish, cut up some veg and make a pot of soup (eating is one I am yet to conquer) for example. I would truly recommend anyone to explore CBT more if they are ever feeling this low and unable to do day to day tasks effectively. Your health and lifestyle is extremely important and you must, despite how rubbish you're feeling, realise that. Put your phone to the other side of the room before you go to bed, it means when your alarm goes off in the morning, you have to get up to turn it off. It's so worth it I promise. This does not happen overnight and you need to make a conscious effort to remember that. I am currently taking my wee baby steps towards being healthy not just physically but in the mind too so although I'm finding it hard I think it's important I see it through. It's not easy but your worth and your importance as a person, a family member and a friend is number one and if you can get strategies in place to get you out of your dark feelings, then I can only see that being a major step towards recovery. I can't stress enough how much courage and bravery it takes to admit to yourself that you need assistance and you should be so proud of yourself for that. It's interesting because finally I'm starting to actually feel slightly proud of myself and I am beginning to appreciate life and why it is so worth living.